APAT WCOAP Trip Report - Part 3 / 4

Sorry about the delay - been on holiday but that's a whole other blog post. Gonna keep this one short as I'm still knackered not having been back long.

The Adventures of NoCash and Hutch

Day 3 - Sunday 28th August

I awoke feeling ok at about 9am, but the previous night I got up for a piss about 20 times. Dunno what that was about but just couldn't seem to empty the tank. Anyhow, Hutch was quite chipper as well after only 6 hours sleep or something. It then dawned on me that he was actually smashed the previous night.

I forgot to mention this in my last post, but I remember going for a tricky dump when we got back and he asked if I would like to listen to Lighthouse Family to help ease me through the situation. WTF? Next thing I know, fucking 'Lifted' is banging out of his iPhone with him singing along and presumably dancing outside the bathroom door. It was a surreal moment to say the least and I wasn't sure what to do. I give it a big push to try and end the situation asap but that hurt my arse somewhat so just had to grit my teeth and play through hoping he would fuck off which he eventually dead.

[ ] Good taste in music
[x] Weird dude

So we are up for 9am and again for 0.001 seconds we decided not to drink all day as I had to play Day 2 the following day, not to mention we had the 6-max comp in the afternoon. By 11am we have polished off brekko and Hutch (who is turd at flips) pays for it again. Free breakfast tastes so sweet.

Note to Hutch: Breakfast would be cheaper if you didn't have everything on the menu you fat fuck.

11:33 sees us in a pub by a canal doing in a few liveners before the afternoon's comp, although a cheeky arse wasp decides to finish mine for me. What I way to die though, smashed of your face is a giant glass of Guinness


We dick about at the hotel for a bit then I drive us across to DTD where we have a good two or three more before the start of the 6-max. I have a pretty uninteresting table and I'm done within about 2 levels after firing a world class three-barrel airball into a station who rivers a set with his low pair. wp me. I go back to the bar to get some munch and a few spins on roulette before I tackle the cash games again, but take a break to see how Hutch is getting on. He has played 12 consecutive hands and is pretty fucking smashed at this point. I go to get him a pint to a loud shout of "Bring me my nerd pwning juice you Twunt".

He lasts about 30 more minutes which is about 25 more than I thought he would

I find myself getting merrily pissed whilst donking roulette and watching footy with CCTV when I ask if we should go out to town? He says he already has plans to go to Hooters with Maylis Boardman and her pals  and that myself and Hutch are welcome to come along. I agree and go play cash for a couple of hours before we leave. I had managed to find a good table and with beers flowing and money rolling in I reluctantly leave for my first Hooters experience. We are waiting for a cab outside DTD for ages when a young lad asks if we are going hooters. I said yes and fuck waiting...and proceeded to ring three different cab firms with 3 different names (one of them being 'Tracey' for some reason) and we jump in the first one that arrives. Bit of a cunts trick, but I was pissed and we had been waiting nearly half an hour

Quick review of Hooters:
Food = Shite
Tits = Awesome

Not much more to say on that subject. After food we walk into the city centre and it's a bit of a dive tbh. We end up paying 8 notes or something daft to go in some shit club with terrible music and a PA by some survived miscarriage of a Reality TV show 'star'. All was not lost however as I got to witness, first hand, the single most ludicrous dancing I've ever seen a human being do. James 'CCTV' Roberts....what the fuck mate!!! It was like watching a spastic having a stroke whilst being electrocuted and best of all he wasn't taking the piss. That's his actual dance. Jesus wept. Dancing is supposed to be a form of foreplay so I think I've found a wanker for life. Sponsor him for just £2 a month.

It's getting on a bit and at about 2:30 - 3am, Myself and Hutch give it billy big steps out of the side entrance and go back to DTD.

We are both ball bagged by this point, but amazingly Hutch ends up with a small profit and I make about £450 playing on the same table. We decide to call it a night at around 4:30am.

[ ] Good prep for ME Day 2

APAT WCOAP Trip Report - Part 2 / 4

The Adventures of NoCash and Hutch

Day 2 - Saturday 27th August

I wake up at about 9am to a majestic sight. A half naked science teacher giving me shit for snoring and banging on about the cricket 20/20 semi final. I'm surprised I managed breakfast after this...
No caption required
We got showered (not together) and went to find some munch. I needed some pain killers as the dentistry I had undertaken 24hrs earleir was hurting like a bastard so we popped over Sainsburys then to a pub next door. The Holiday Inn we stayed at wanted £13 for breakfast whereas it was £8 all you can eat at the Prem Inn 20 yards away. A credit card flip later and I was munching a free all you can eat cooked brekko. It tastes than much better when it's free!

We agreed on no drinking for the day and this lasted until exactly 12:33pm when we ordered a pint at the hotel bar and settled in to watch the cricket for an hour or so before our main event campaign began. Quick drive to DTD and we are at the bar for 2pm and decide to have '1 more'. The table draw is done and I'm on table 12 seat 9 which is a totally useless bit of info, but I have typed it now.

There's no one I know on my table but it seems friendly enough and I have a decent view of the screen for the Liverpool game which was nice. Table seems pretty soft apart from one or two seats which is good for me. I did, however, decide to drink throughout the match and this didn't really do me any favours. By the end of Level 3 I'm down to 6.5k from my original 15k starting stack. I'm not even going to use the lame excuse that everyone uses of 'running bad' because I was playing like a wanker and the beer was kicking in. I decided I'll lock up for a level then either chip up or get on the cash tables. Fortunately the former happened and I got into some good spots against the fish. One particualry nice hand is when I doubled with QQ. Oppo flatted my 4 bet OOP and flop came QJJ. He checked to me and I fired straight out. By the time I'd looked up, all of his chips were over the line and I couldn't get mine in quick enough. He had AJ. Q on the river sealed it and I was right back in it.

I continued to play really aggro during the day, but not overly so and I was timing it well. Not sure what time Hutch busted, but it was prob about 8pm - 9pm. Another mate James Robers (CCTV from Nutz.tv) was going equally well on the table behind me be he took a sicko beat and headed out around midnight. My stack was yo-yo'ing like a fucker, but I managed to win a few big flips - my favourite against Ant1966. His 2nd hand on my table he opens UTG and I look down at JJ and jam it in his eye. He snaps me off and knowing the nit he is I think I'm in trouble. He flips over AK and I hold. A few more hours play sees me end Day1a 3rd in chips with 225,000.

This was a proper grind and I'd hardly eaten all day. When I got over the 60k chip mark I'd slowed down on the drinking and had a few coffees which helped a lot. There was no dinner break at all and only a 15min break every 4 levels so it was pretty intensive. We started at 2:30pm and finished at close to 3am and I was cunted. Had a pint in the bar with Hutch who'd been ripping up the cash games. I listen to some story about him doing a fucking horrible slowroll and then asking me if I thought it was a slowroll - haha dick, it was the WORST slowroll ever mate.

Back to the hotel an in bed for about 4am.

Myself and Hutch and been fucking about on Twitter all weekend and having the piss out of each other so here are a few samples which should give you an idea of the tone of the weekend:

Dave Garden

Dave Garden

APAT WCOAP Trip Report - Part 1 / 4

The Adventures of NoCash and Hutch

Day 1 - Friday 26th August

I started the day with a dental appointment which was a bit shit as I had to have 2 fillings. The dental nurse was pretty fit though so I showed her my dribbling skills. I did a spit rinse into the little sink and left a jizz like arc between my mouth and the edge of said sink. It was one of them spits that just wouldn't snap and it followed me all the way back to the chair as I leant back, before snapping back to my chin like an abandoned cum shot. The nurse was very professional and didn't say anything but I bet she was wetter than October when she saw that.

After this wonderful experience, it was time to go and pick up The Hutch who was running late as him, his wife and kids decided they wanted to nose-bag some breakfast. He eventually finished and we got on the road at about 11am for the lovely drive to Nottingham. The 6 was fucked for traffic and we ran into a bit on the A50. It was closing in on 2:30pm and we were worried about missing the start of the HU comp that we had both regged for. I needn't have worried though as it didn't start until 3. "Do you fancy a beer?" was the shout from Hutch? "Do you take it in the shitter?" was my response.

We had a beer.

I got drawn against a fat Harold Shipman in my first round HU match. Ky got some supposedly good player and was playing on the table next to me. Within 5 mins Ky was done in true Crash Bang Wallop (CBW) style. My match lasted two levels before I sent the granny killer to the rail.

The next round was a bit weird. My opponent managed to make his 1sr round HU game last 6 fkin 20 minute levels so I was waiting for ages before my match. Hutch had already crushed his second oppo and was playing his third round before my second had started. The second round was a joke for me. I was pwning within the first few hands then the guy decided to get it in with some shit vs my worse shit and took a 2:1 lead. I eventually got it in with flopped 2nd pair against an open-ender that got there. gg HU.

Hutch was crushing in his matches and I turned up to rail just as he dug out a call with a K9 no pair FD and SD against his oppos turn shove. Oppo had K7 and was drawing very thin. By the river, the 9 played and Hutch was into the 1/4 final. I pissed off to play cash, but Hutch's next opponent was interesting.

Hutch's Quarter Final Opponent
The guy was flaking skin everywhere and was proper weird. He looked just like the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. Anyway, I'm taking a break from cash and getting some munch and a pint in the bar when Hutch bounds over telling me he got through. I asked what the other guy was like and he said "Fucking shit" which, to be fair, Hutch says about most people, but the winning hand was great.

Hutch = QxJx
Comic book guy = 8X

Raise and a call pre (small ball).
Flop = QQQ

Hutch check , Comic check

Turn = 8
Hutch check, Comic shove the lot.

Hutch (should've slow rolled). Snaps his fucking eczema ridden head off.

Comic Book Guy shows an 8 and skulks off.

Must be nice. Hutch is now in the semis and I play the £50 evening comp. Table is shit though and full of nits and I can't really get into it. I make some shit move or other and I'm out after a few hours so go back to cash. I grind up from £100 to around £350 in no time because I'm a fucking cash ninja.

Anyways, Hutch is playing [with] his semi which is best of 3. He scores the 1st game in no time and is looking comfortable. He then proceeds to get it all in ahead 3 timed FTW and gets outdrawn and 2 games later he has lost the match 2-1. Unlucky fish, but there's always the 3rd and 4th place play-off......well not if Hutch has anything to do with it there's not. The only difference between 3rd and 4th place is the APAT bronze medal - the money is exactly the same. He decides to tell the APAT guys that he's not interested in playing this as there should be more money for 3rd than there is 4th and that he doesn't give a shit about a medal. Think the conversation went a little bit like this:

Hutch: Why is there no difference between 3rd and 4th?
APAT: There is. There is a medal and ranking points to play for.
Hutch: I don't care about medals and ranking points, I just want money. If there is no difference and the guy won't do a £100 side bet, then I'm just going to shove every hand. (The other nit didn't want a bet)
APAT: But that's not in the spirit of APAT
Hutch: lol
APAT: It de-values the medals and compromises the integrity of the tournament.
Hutch: It compromises the tournament if you tell me how I can and can't play my cards.
APAT: I'd never tell you how to play, it's just that some people have been trying to get an APAT medal their whole life
Hutch: [ ] whole life / [x] 5 years at the most

Hutch relents and goes off to play the game. The guy turns out to be poo anyway and Hutch smashes him in about 5 hands. He then cheekily runs over to get his medal and photo taken :-) His oppo was a bit of a hardcore APAT player and really wanted the medal and points which made it that little bit sweeter for Hutch I think. Ul nerd.

"Fuck Medals. I want cash or cock"

He wanders up with my 10% (a mind boggling £40) and I got seated on a £1/£2 table whilst he plays 50p/£1 whilst waiting for a £1/£2 seat. He didn't have to wait long.

I have been tootling along nicely and have my stack up to around £300 (from my original £100 sit down earlier in the day) when I manage to get the lot in on the flop.

NoCash = K 10
Villain = 9 9

Flop = 9 Q J

Oppo 5 bet insta jams as bottom set is obv always good on this board (ha like I'd ever fold) and I snap him off and even turn my cards to show the goods. Not even a sweat as the Q smokes in on the turn and I don't remember the river as I'm already standing up. He gives a pointless little slowroll and I consider chinning the cunt and shitting on his unconscious face.

I give Hutch the bad news and go and get a pint to calm down. I was properly pissed of at that shit which would have left my freerolling the rest of the weekend. I even considered unregging everything and going home like a little bitch, but that wore off after about 30 seconds (thankfully). I finished my pint and waited for Hutch to finish up his session before going back to the hotel bar for one more pint before bed. Safely tucked up for 1am and ready to smash into the main event the following day.