APAT WCOAP Trip Report - Part 1 / 4

The Adventures of NoCash and Hutch

Day 1 - Friday 26th August

I started the day with a dental appointment which was a bit shit as I had to have 2 fillings. The dental nurse was pretty fit though so I showed her my dribbling skills. I did a spit rinse into the little sink and left a jizz like arc between my mouth and the edge of said sink. It was one of them spits that just wouldn't snap and it followed me all the way back to the chair as I leant back, before snapping back to my chin like an abandoned cum shot. The nurse was very professional and didn't say anything but I bet she was wetter than October when she saw that.

After this wonderful experience, it was time to go and pick up The Hutch who was running late as him, his wife and kids decided they wanted to nose-bag some breakfast. He eventually finished and we got on the road at about 11am for the lovely drive to Nottingham. The 6 was fucked for traffic and we ran into a bit on the A50. It was closing in on 2:30pm and we were worried about missing the start of the HU comp that we had both regged for. I needn't have worried though as it didn't start until 3. "Do you fancy a beer?" was the shout from Hutch? "Do you take it in the shitter?" was my response.

We had a beer.

I got drawn against a fat Harold Shipman in my first round HU match. Ky got some supposedly good player and was playing on the table next to me. Within 5 mins Ky was done in true Crash Bang Wallop (CBW) style. My match lasted two levels before I sent the granny killer to the rail.

The next round was a bit weird. My opponent managed to make his 1sr round HU game last 6 fkin 20 minute levels so I was waiting for ages before my match. Hutch had already crushed his second oppo and was playing his third round before my second had started. The second round was a joke for me. I was pwning within the first few hands then the guy decided to get it in with some shit vs my worse shit and took a 2:1 lead. I eventually got it in with flopped 2nd pair against an open-ender that got there. gg HU.

Hutch was crushing in his matches and I turned up to rail just as he dug out a call with a K9 no pair FD and SD against his oppos turn shove. Oppo had K7 and was drawing very thin. By the river, the 9 played and Hutch was into the 1/4 final. I pissed off to play cash, but Hutch's next opponent was interesting.

Hutch's Quarter Final Opponent
The guy was flaking skin everywhere and was proper weird. He looked just like the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. Anyway, I'm taking a break from cash and getting some munch and a pint in the bar when Hutch bounds over telling me he got through. I asked what the other guy was like and he said "Fucking shit" which, to be fair, Hutch says about most people, but the winning hand was great.

Hutch = QxJx
Comic book guy = 8X

Raise and a call pre (small ball).
Flop = QQQ

Hutch check , Comic check

Turn = 8
Hutch check, Comic shove the lot.

Hutch (should've slow rolled). Snaps his fucking eczema ridden head off.

Comic Book Guy shows an 8 and skulks off.

Must be nice. Hutch is now in the semis and I play the £50 evening comp. Table is shit though and full of nits and I can't really get into it. I make some shit move or other and I'm out after a few hours so go back to cash. I grind up from £100 to around £350 in no time because I'm a fucking cash ninja.

Anyways, Hutch is playing [with] his semi which is best of 3. He scores the 1st game in no time and is looking comfortable. He then proceeds to get it all in ahead 3 timed FTW and gets outdrawn and 2 games later he has lost the match 2-1. Unlucky fish, but there's always the 3rd and 4th place play-off......well not if Hutch has anything to do with it there's not. The only difference between 3rd and 4th place is the APAT bronze medal - the money is exactly the same. He decides to tell the APAT guys that he's not interested in playing this as there should be more money for 3rd than there is 4th and that he doesn't give a shit about a medal. Think the conversation went a little bit like this:

Hutch: Why is there no difference between 3rd and 4th?
APAT: There is. There is a medal and ranking points to play for.
Hutch: I don't care about medals and ranking points, I just want money. If there is no difference and the guy won't do a £100 side bet, then I'm just going to shove every hand. (The other nit didn't want a bet)
APAT: But that's not in the spirit of APAT
Hutch: lol
APAT: It de-values the medals and compromises the integrity of the tournament.
Hutch: It compromises the tournament if you tell me how I can and can't play my cards.
APAT: I'd never tell you how to play, it's just that some people have been trying to get an APAT medal their whole life
Hutch: [ ] whole life / [x] 5 years at the most

Hutch relents and goes off to play the game. The guy turns out to be poo anyway and Hutch smashes him in about 5 hands. He then cheekily runs over to get his medal and photo taken :-) His oppo was a bit of a hardcore APAT player and really wanted the medal and points which made it that little bit sweeter for Hutch I think. Ul nerd.

"Fuck Medals. I want cash or cock"

He wanders up with my 10% (a mind boggling £40) and I got seated on a £1/£2 table whilst he plays 50p/£1 whilst waiting for a £1/£2 seat. He didn't have to wait long.

I have been tootling along nicely and have my stack up to around £300 (from my original £100 sit down earlier in the day) when I manage to get the lot in on the flop.

NoCash = K 10
Villain = 9 9

Flop = 9 Q J

Oppo 5 bet insta jams as bottom set is obv always good on this board (ha like I'd ever fold) and I snap him off and even turn my cards to show the goods. Not even a sweat as the Q smokes in on the turn and I don't remember the river as I'm already standing up. He gives a pointless little slowroll and I consider chinning the cunt and shitting on his unconscious face.

I give Hutch the bad news and go and get a pint to calm down. I was properly pissed of at that shit which would have left my freerolling the rest of the weekend. I even considered unregging everything and going home like a little bitch, but that wore off after about 30 seconds (thankfully). I finished my pint and waited for Hutch to finish up his session before going back to the hotel bar for one more pint before bed. Safely tucked up for 1am and ready to smash into the main event the following day.




Amatay said...

haha, looking forward to part 2 already. What a gay pic of Hutch btw, jesus soooo camp! Also lol at the quad queens hand. Flop better mate

BurnleyMik said...

brilliant mate. wpwpwp