August appears not to have let me down as my lucky month...

...but I'll get to that in a minute.

As stated in my last post, I traveled down to DTD for the APAT European Championships this weekend with Hutch and was meeting Rubbish there (see Rubbish's blog for more details of this trip).

We got there around 12pm and headed to Frankie and Benny's for 1pm to meet Rubbish had have a quick pint before DTD opened. After a quick catch-up and some piss-taking it was off to DTD for more beers and the 6-max comp. The plan was to get drunk for this then play the M/E sober (yeah ok).

The comp started around 2:30pm and I got off to a flyer hitting everything and taking a few out early. mbn. I was drinking at quite a quick pace now and playing a lot of pots. I don't remember much after pint 7 or 8 so I can't even report on my exit hand. Anyhow I had a few more pints with Rubbish and a few spins on roulette. The best of which was I threw £5 of my last £10 of chips on to number 13 and it came in for £180. I continued my spin-up on Blackjack and won another hundred or so.. Rubbish's blog has the details as I don't really remember.

Anyway, after running good at the we saw Hutch who was looking completely miserable after getting ironed out in a huge cash pot with AA v JJ aipf. He was ready to go back to the hotel, but we convinced him to come out in Notts instead.

Now things get truely fuzzy. I do remember inventing a new drink. First some background to this disastrous concoction....

One of my mates once saw an Irish guy in our local who was doing a tour of the UK with his mates, getting pissed in 50 different towns on 50 consecutive nights. How true this is, I don't know, but they said they were on night 37. This hardcore even by my high standards! Anyway my mate is chatting to this guy when one of his mates literally passes out at the bar. When he comes round, all he can say is 'Mega-Jaegar, Mega-Jaegar'. This Irish bloke explains what this means....

Mega-Jaegar is an inverted Jaegar-bomb. So instead of a shot of Jaegar in a glass of Redbull, it's the other way around. Myself and Ky have experimented with these before with some unsurprising results. One of which involved me being unable to speak and my missus finding my slumped in a garden near the local park after trying to walk home at 4am.

In fact - I had the biggest one ever on my stag do which was horrific - there is a video of it on my facebook  - not sure how to download it for the blog though...just add me on there.

Anyways - I decided on the Saturday night that Mega-Jaegar wasn't hardcore enough (and trust me, it really is) so I invented the Jaegarcunt. It's a mega-jaegar but with a shot of Sambuca in place of the Redbull. So named because, as soon as you drink it, you just go "oh, cunt"..and that was pretty much my Saturday night done. I wandered to the toilets, obviously got lost and made my way back to the hotel in a taxi.

Sunday was the M/E we were supposed to be staying sober for. I woke up feeling like a shit had done a shit in my mouth and seeing Hutch's massive coffee stain nipples (they are unreal) made me want to slit my own throat. I managed to get up and freshen up a bit, but couldn't face food. We headed straight to DTD where the only thing for it was to get back on the beer. I felt normal(ish) after two pints and was looking forward to playing. Rubbish arrived looking absolutely crushed. Ky wasn't drinking at all (like a good little pro) so I had a pint on hand ready so Rubbish couldn't leave me hanging.

I got off to a good start in the M/E flopping quads and stacking a guy who rivered the nut flush and was going along nicely. I don't really remember much to be honest other than being a bit of a fool at the tables and dicking about until I went busto. Rubbish had bust early and was propping up the bar and Ky was going well and grinding away. I sat at a £1/£1 game and promptly donked off a stack betting into flopped quads with air. How does that happen?! I reloaded and ran like god to get it up to close to £450 when they opened a £1/£1 PLO table. I moved over and bough in for the max of £250 and ironed that out pretty quickly. I reloaded and played almost every hand. I don't remember any hands at all, but I do remember outdrawing several people on a lot of occasions (including DTD reg Chinese Franky who was somewhat vocal about it!). Hutch finished Day 1 nicely stacked and sat for a while until he kindly helped me stack up over £1100 at about 2am. I was feeling the pace a bit then (I had 3 pints on the go at one point as was alternating between swigs of Guinness and cider) we bid Rubbish farwell and went for some kip.

Day 3, Monday and however bad I felt the previous day, times that by about 10. It was horrendous. I managed to drag myself up at about 10:30 and made a right mess in the bathroom. DTD didn't open until 2pm so went to Franky and Benny's and I bought us some breakfast which I managed to get down. I realised I hadn't eaten a single thing, not even a crisp, the previous day. No wonder I wasn't feeling great. We had to hang about in the car park for ages waiting for DTD to open, but when it did I immediately went to the cash desk to un-reg the PLO. As I'd bought in on-line I needed someone from APAT to assist, but no one was at the table to I just thought, fuck-it, it's something to do whilst Hutch grinds the main.

Unfortunately Hutch ran terribly in the M/E busting about 14th for £250 (ship the 10% though!), and I'd gained a rather playable stack in the PLO. Hutch went off to play some cash whilst I had a bit of a roller coaster in the PLO. I was running really well winning flips and 60/40s all over the shop and got up to about 100k with 2 tables left (10k starting). I ran into the chipleader in a bit of a cooler however and lost 70k with AAxx on a JQJ4J board. He obv had quads but I paid him off anyways with 3rd nuts. I made something of a comeback soon after and easily made the final although I was about 4/8 in chips. Queue some more running well and hands holding up - one particular bit of rungood was 4 players left and I'm big chip leader when I thought I was up against AAxx on a JT7 board. He check raised me all in and I had to call with my bare 7 and a back-door FD. He had 89Jx and I was crushed....until the BDFD smoked in. Pretty sick. I bust the chap in 3rd when I found AAxx again vs AKJx and held then finally won the comp after a short HU battle with AK63ss (playing any 4 with an 8/1 chip lead) on a 33J flop vs AJxx. Turn was the 6 and that was it.

Another August, another APAT gold medal and the European Amateur Omaha Championship in only my 2nd live PLO tournament.

The drive home at 12:30am was bad and I was only a passenger. I was just sooooo fkin tired, but a few bags in my pocket helped with the pain. I sorted Hutch out a bit for waiting for me and driving (he didn't have a % of the PLO comp) so hopefully that eased his losses if only just a little.

Not bad for a functioning alcoholic :-)

Speaking of which - I don't drink like this all the time, otherwise I'd just die. It's only once in a while I let myself go for it like this. After Vegas I'm taking some time off drinking completely so I'll be back to my normal quiet self at the tables.

Get over to Rubbish's blog for more in-depth details of the first few days. He has a better idea than me.

Thanks for reading.


Genting Poker Series and APAT European Champs

Earlier this month saw the Stoke leg of the Genting Poker Series. As you probably have seen from my last couple of posts, I qualified by doing a ridic 24hr stretch playing Speed Poker on Genting to win a £1000 package and a wonderful gold model (real gold obv) complete with an Olympic style presentation ceremony - or an interview from The Tower and a kiss on the cheek off a massage girl (I run so good!)

The comp started off pretty well as I ran my 25k starting stack up to about 40k in the space of a level or two. I had a good table, with only a few decent regs and plenty of good banter to keep me occupied. Without going into too much detail, I was back to starting stack by the first break by missing a few draws, getting outdrawn and outplayed once or twice by a good reg. I tootled this along until about 8pm when I was down to about 20 bbs. I got it in with 5s6s on a 3h4s9s board only to get called in two spots which I was fairly happy with - until I saw AsJs and 99. Turn smoked in a 4 and I went off to the bar and got on the cash game list.

My weekend wife Hutch had already busted and was off playing a DC cash game so I sat and got drunk in a £1/£1 game, doubled up early and never looked back. Hutch joined me later and we both got spannered. I was looking at a £600 win at one point, but got sickoed by a Sergio Garcia looking motherfucker when I had KK in a 3 way pot - still considering I played a drunken 90% VPIP, I managed to walk out about £300 to the good.

As we had booked for the weekend and had another night in the hotel should I need it (Hutch was staying for the Anniversary Cup on the Sunday) we went back the next day (Saturday) after a spot of brekko. Rick ' Double Bubble' Gilby and Kav were still in the comp as long as a few other Blackpool heroes and friends so we went back to rail and play a bit of cash.

I got chatting to Gary Oakes (the Genting Poker boss) and ended up having about an hour convo about all things poker, Genting and Vegas (I'm breaking my Vegas cherry in a few weeks for my honeymoon). He also kindly emailed across a long guide to Vegas with places to eat and do's and don'ts etc - very useful and I've already printed it out - cheers mate!

I decided to wait for Rick to bust / get the lot so I could get a ride / train home. A small cash game ensued and I got right back on it, whereas Hutch was a sensible pro and got his grind on. Fast forward to about 23:00hrs and I'm sat on a cash table with Barney Boatman, pissed out of my tree, threatening to tweet him pictures of my dick. Standard behavior it seems. I'd lost all my profit and a bit more by this time which was a little disappointing, but the banter was awesome.

Rick duly min cashed (ship the 5% bro) so, along with Kav, we all hit the wheel for a spin-up. We span it up to £200 each pretty quickly and left the building.....and that concluded my Stoke GPS experience. Great weekend.

The Speed Poker challenge is now back with over £2k of prizes this time, but unfortunately with me getting married in two weeks (beat) and going to Vegas straight after (brag), I can't see a slot where I can grind 24hrs straight again with 11hrs of sleep straight after. Hopefully there will be a 3rd one though! Details of the new challenge here.

The next leg of the GPS is the online leg which I will be trying to qualify for next. I have qualifed for the next live leg in Sheffield however. I regged for the £10 turbo super sat on Weds night and managed to bink a seat into the £50 3 seat gtd sat at 8pm. I went on to bag my seat for Sheffield for £10 and a few hours work. EZ game.

This weekend I'm traveling to the home of UK poker Dusk Till Dawn to play the APAT European Championships. This time last year it was the World Championships, but they have now been moved to next March - which means I get to say I'm the reigning World Amateur Champion for an extra 7 months - Boooooooooooooooom!

Again, myself and that bitch Hutch will be traveling down to play the 6-max comp on Saturday, the M/E on Sunday and if that doesn't go to plan, the PLO comp on Monday. We are also meeting up with RTR hero, champion blogger and ultimate sheep shagging machine - Rubbish. This Welsh prick stopped over at mine the first time I met him (before a Newcastle Poker Forum team challenge that has gone down in legend). We went into Blackpool for a few quiet ones and ended up rolling in at 4am, steamboats. We'd tried getting into a casino, but Rubbish fell out of the taxi and pulled himself up by the bouncer's tie. Smooth mate, smooth. We went back to one of my usual haunts in town and I ended up scrapping over the pool table and getting winged out of the doors head first by the bouncer whilst that Taff nugget giggled away offering no assistance at all. That was the basis for a highly memorable weekend which you can read about if you search my blog archive.

These APAT events are always a great laugh and are so relaxed. The 6-max is our traditional piss-up comp so I'm really looking forward to that. The hang-over grind of the M/E is less fun, but I did it last year so why not this time :-). If that M/E goes tits and I'm too tired Monday to play PLO, there's always the option to come home and play on a real money online poker site and have a spin up.

Off the felt - well, as already mentioned, I'm getting married in two weeks. I'm starting to brick it pretty hard now and had my first sleepless night last night. I'm not really one for being centre of attention or standing up in front of crowds. In fact it's kinda one of my biggest fears, but I'm sure I can lubricate that fear away. I used last night's fear induced insomnia to think about my speech and actually ended up writing most of it as a note in my iPhone. Just need to add a bit of structure, but I've got all of my gags and piss takes lined up. Pretty chuffed actually as I was worried that I was going to have to trawl the Internet and copy some tired old shit, but mines all totally original which I think should relax me a little.

It's Vegas for the honeymoon which I'm properly looking forward to, like no other trip ever!

Thanks for reading and it'd be good to get some comments and feedback now and again. This blog is almost 4 years old which makes me feel even older. Turning 30 sucks balls.


P.S - you can follow me on Twitter now as well @_NoCash_


Yeah so I won the Speed Poker Challenge - binked a £1k package.

Hutch came second and won a £430 seat. Both playing Day1b on Friday. Gl us.

Posn...Player.......................High Score ......Prize
1.......N0Shoes....................1963.1...........£1000 GPS Package & Gold Medal
2.......AwesomeHutch............1369.8...........£430 GPS Main Event Seat
3.......PICKWICKONE..............1241.1...........£430 GPS Main Event Seat on 50/50 Sponsored Basis
4.......Booooooommmmmmmm..841.6............£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token
5.......PimpinRegs..................838.3...........£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token
6.......Phantumfisher.............717.7.............£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token
7.......NioSex......................656.3.............£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token
8.......sixmaximus.................445.6............£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token
9.......PokerWolf1..................356.2............£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token
10......Aptdemon...................300.7............£55 GPS Seat Super Sat Token